Money & Identity: How Your Childhood Shapes Your Financial Behavior

We can read all the financial literacy books in the world, but what often shapes us most, for better or worse, is what we learned about money growing up. These early lessons form what many financial planners call a money story: the beliefs, behaviors, and emotional patterns around money that develop in childhood and follow us into adulthood.

As a financial planner, I like to guide clients to ask themselves this question:

“What is my money story?”

Because money decisions are rarely just about math. Understanding one’s money story can help explain why smart, capable people may still struggle with money, and also why self-improvement in this area is possible.

How Money Stories Are Formed

There is no standardized way we teach children about money. For most of us, our parents or primary caregivers were our first and most influential financial teachers, whether intentionally or not.

Some people grew up in households marked by scarcity and constant stress. Others grew up with financial comfort, but little transparency or education. In some families, money was openly discussed. In others, it was avoided entirely. Sometimes money was used as a reward, a source of control, or a symbol of success or failure.

None of these experiences are inherently right or wrong, but all of them shape how we relate to money later in life.

Psychology and Financial Behavior

Research suggests that early financial socialization can influence later financial behaviors. While experiences do vary individually, studies in behavioral finance and family economics find that parental modeling and childhood experiences can impact saving habits, risk tolerance, attitudes toward debt, and overall financial confidence.

In other words, financial behavior is often learned — directly or indirectly — long before most people open their first bank account.

Similar research suggests that financial outcomes are often shaped less by intelligence or knowledge and more by behavior, emotion, and perspective. Children have been found to absorb financial beliefs by observing how their parents or caregivers think about money, respond to financial stress, and make decisions. As adults, these internalized beliefs can lead two people with the same income and financial knowledge to end up in very different financial positions based on how they feel about money and how they react to uncertainty.

Money, Identity & Shame

Because money is tied to early emotional experiences, it often becomes part of identity:

• “I didn’t grow up with money, so I don’t understand it.”

• “People like me don’t invest.”

• “Talking about money is uncomfortable or socially unacceptable.”

• “I should be further along by now.”

This is where shame often enters the picture. Many people believe their financial challenges reflect personal failure, when in reality they may be operating from deeply ingrained beliefs formed years earlier.

Understanding your money story helps separate who you are from what you learned.

Growing up, I experienced two very different approaches to money, one defined by instability and one by careful sacrifice, which made me aware early on that money is not just financial, it is emotional. That awareness shows up again and again in my work today.

Your money story can help explain your patterns, but it doesn’t define your potential.

Shifting Your Money Story

It’s important to remember that what we learned as children doesn’t have to be our reality as adults. However, it is important to acknowledge what these emotional or behavioral blockages might be.

This is where the philosophy of having a holistic financial plan becomes so important. When we feel pulled back into subconscious or conscious habits, whether that’s avoidance, overspending, or fear-based decision-making, we can reference our plan as a foundational roadmap. A well-constructed financial plan can help keep your decisions grounded in clarity and intention rather than driven purely by emotion or habit.

When people understand their money story, a shift is often felt in their approach to their own financial picture. Financial planning can become less about restriction and more about intention. Clients may gain clarity, self-compassion, and the ability to make decisions aligned with their values rather than their fears.

This awareness doesn’t erase past experiences, but it can support a foundation from which to respond differently going forward.

How to Begin Rewriting Your Money Story

You don’t need to relive your childhood to work on changing your financial future. We suggest starting with reflection:

• What messages did you receive about money growing up?

• How does money make you feel today: safe, anxious, empowered, avoidant?

• Which beliefs feel supportive, and which feel limiting?

• What would financial success look like for you, not for someone else?

Money is not just a financial tool; it is also a mental one. By understanding how early experiences shape financial behavior, individuals can make more empowered, informed financial decisions in a way that feels sustainable and aligned.

Your money story may explain where you are, but it doesn’t have to determine where you’re going.

Understanding your money story is often the first step toward meaningful financial change, but awareness alone isn’t always enough. Turning insight into action requires structure, clarity, and support. At EViE Financial, we help clients translate their values, history, and goals into a practical and actionable financial plan in an effort to help you feel more confident and empowered in your goals. If you’re ready to explore your own money story and build a plan that supports where you want to go next, we invite you to connect with us and start the conversation.